


In the Shadow of Love

by Longpig



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fade to Black, Family, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Petting, Kissing, Marriage Proposal, Sexual Content, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 13:24:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15097577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Longpig/pseuds/Longpig
Summary: Allura has some unexpected news to share with Lotor that will irrevocably affect their future; but she worries about how his past will affect his reaction.





	In the Shadow of Love

The hour was late—or early, depending on one’s point of view. The last varga had ticked over into the new quintant, and the castle was still and silent save for the distant hum of the engines.  Allura sat alone on a chaise longue in the sitting area of her quarters, dressed for bed but not yet ready to surrender to it. Knees tucked under her chin, arms wrapped tightly around her legs, she curled and uncurled her toes around the edge of the seat. Nervous anticipation held her captive. Her stomach was in knots; the inside of her cheek chewed sore.

Lotor was late. He _had_ told her he would be—there was some sort of dispute between two commanders that he could not afford to let continue—but he hadn’t indicated how great the delay might be. The prolonged, indefinite wait was driving her mad. She had not been this anxious about seeing him since the first time they’d met, albeit for wildly different reasons.

It had started just after Lotor’s most recent departure, with a twinge in her lower back. Pulled something while training—or _other activities_ —she supposed. It was nothing to worry about; she always bounced back quickly from such trivial complaints. But a movement later, the discomfort persisted, now accompanied by a more general malaise. She felt tired, run down; and she began to wonder if perhaps she had picked something up from one of the Coalition planets Voltron had recently visited. It was still certainly nothing necessitating the use of a cryopod. A minor inconvenience, easily treated with a few early nights and plenty of fluids. It was another movement before she truly had reason to worry.

Allura began to notice _smells_ everywhere she went, few of them pleasant. Coran’s hair tonic seemed unusually pungent, and the lingering aroma of whatever Hunk had cooked for breakfast spoiled her own appetite completely. The training deck was unbearable. The Paladins themselves—Lance and Hunk in particular—exuded an odor that became so overpowering as the quintent wore on that she found herself avoiding them by the evening meal, and she retreated to her private quarters to dine alone.

Although she was ravenous, even the faint smell of the bland nutritional paste was too much for her to stomach. Allura set down her spork without taking a bite. It was almost as though she was starting another sproggle—but it was much too soon for that; barely two phoebs since the last…

That was when she’d known, even before a self-scan had confirmed it. Stunned and overwhelmed, she had sat alone for a solid half-varga, crying into a bowl of uneaten food goo. _Not my proudest moment,_ she now reflected. She’d kept her emotions better contained since then; at least around Coran and the Paladins. She didn’t think it proper for them to learn of her condition before Lotor, particularly as some of them rather lacked the gift of tact…

They had been careful, or so she thought. The state of the universe being what it was—various factions of Galra still fighting to carve territory from the former Empire, Haggar and her druids still on the loose—it was no time to be raising a child, even if they had been otherwise prepared. Although they had discussed it only in the most general of terms, Allura knew that Lotor was far from ready. He had grown up idealizing his absent mother Honerva only to lose even that figment to Haggar’s corrupting influence; and his fraught relationship with Zarkon had left deep scars. She had taken an implantation inhibitor when she noticed the early signs of sproggle. The drug was meant to allow one to experience the more enjoyable aspects of the cycle without long term consequences—and it had been _extremely_ enjoyable. Even now, her skin warmed at the memories.

Unfortunately, it seemed she had failed to consider the effect of ten thousand years in storage on the compound’s potency. In hindsight, it was a painfully obvious mistake—she could only blame a hormone-addled brain for the lapse.

The doboshes crept by, and Allura’s eyes ached with weariness, but the door remained stubbornly closed. She didn’t want to sleep without having seen Lotor; and despite her exhaustion, she doubted that it would even be possible. She bit her lip again, staring at the doorway. It had been movements since his last visit. She ought to have been giddy with excitement, not sick with anxiety.

She told herself, as she had so many times over the past movement, that she needn’t be so worried. They loved each other, despite all the odds against them, despite the misgivings of friends and allies. There was no-one in all the universe who understood her as Lotor did. He was her perfect complement, and if there were such a thing as a soul mate she was certain he was that as well; but she had no idea how he would react to what she had to tell him. It was most assuredly going to be a surprise, and Lotor did not do well with those. She tucked her hands under her knees, hugging her thighs against her chest. Would it be too much to hope for that he might be… happy?

It had taken Allura a few quintents to recover from the shock herself, to wrap her mind around the idea that there was a _life form_ growing inside her. As the initial panic faded, fascination took its place, followed then by _attachment_ . She knew it was illogical—it was a clump of cells barely the size of her fingertip, and no more a sentient being than Coran’s intestinal eel—but she couldn’t help thinking of it as a child. _Her_ child. She found herself imagining what they might be like. A little boy, with Lotor’s striking marks, and Alfor’s kind eyes? Or a girl, sweet and clever, with a laugh like music… With a dreamy sigh, she closed her eyes, turning her head to rest her cheek on her knees.

“Beautiful…” Her voice trailed away as she finally lost her battle against exhaustion.

Allura didn’t know how much time passed. The next thing she knew, she was being gathered up off the divan and carried into her bedroom, strong arms holding her fast.

“Lotor,” she murmured, smiling as she breathed in his familiar scent. Allura opened her eyes as he carefully lowered her to the bed. Her heart warmed at the sight of him, and for a moment, her fears were forgotten. He was still wearing his armour, but he had removed his gloves and vambraces. She turned into his caress as he brushed the hair back from her face.

“The sleeping princess awakens.” He spoke softly, his golden voice low and honeyed. “You aren’t obliged to stay up on my account, Allura. You need your rest.” He straightened up to undo the clasps holding his chest plate in place, and let out a quiet sigh as he lifted the heavy armour away.

 _He looks tired._ There was a heaviness around his eyes, a tightness in his jaw, that spoke of long vargas spent in counsel—one of his least favourite activities. Although he was a charismatic speaker and gifted politician, Lotor often found the performance exhausting. Allura’s chest tightened; she longed to smooth the worry from his brow, not add to his burdens. At least she could welcome him home first.

“You’ve been gone for so long… I didn’t want to miss a single dobosh.” Extending the comfort of her arms, she fixed him with a beckoning, half-lidded gaze. The strain faded from his features, his familiar grin spreading across his face as he stretched out on the bed next to her. The mattress shifted under his weight, and Allura let it move her closer to him, drawn in by a fresh wave of his warm, spicy fragrance. He was the only thing that had smelled appealing to her in quintants; she was silently but deeply grateful for the trick of biochemistry that predisposed gestating Alteans to their mate’s pheromones. If Lotor had been half as offensive to her nose as the Paladins, she likely would have wept.

Propped up on one elbow, Lotor draped his arm around her, caressing the small of her back with long, elegant fingers. His eyes drank her in, moving over her body with a near tangible intensity. It wouldn’t be long before he began to feel the effects of her own pheromones—they would not be as strong as during a sproggle, thankfully. _Meant to encourage bonding,_ she recalled absently. It was certainly encouraging _something_ in her.

“So many nights I’ve dreamed of holding you like this,” he breathed, the beginnings of a purr edging his voice. He pulled her tightly against him, drawing her into an urgent, hungry kiss; and Allura melted into his passion. Her hands caged his face, then moved lower to wander over his shoulders and chest. Lotor carded his fingers through her hair, while his other hand caressed the curve of her backside and the length of her thigh; and Allura shivered at the whisper of fangs against her tongue.

It was almost embarrassing how quickly—how _easily_ —he could stir her desires. Already the fire was smouldering at her core, heat pulsing between her legs. Typically, whenever Lotor returned after such a long absence, they would spend vargas—if not quintants!—in bed, making love until Allura no longer knew where she ended and he began. She ached for him now, arching into his embrace as his mouth traced a searing line from her jaw to her collarbone—but it felt dishonest, _wrong,_ to let this continue without telling him…

“Lotor— _oh!_ ” She gasped as his hand found her breast, and his thumb brushed her tender, swollen nipple. _Stars_ but she wanted him. She bit her lip, summoning every last reserve of willpower she could muster, and placed her hand on his chest, pushing him gently back. “No… I—I can’t,” she managed, still breathless.

“No?” he repeated, blinking in confusion. He was flushed a deep shade of plum, from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. “Is something the matter?” His eyebrows pinched together, and Allura read volumes in the tiny furrow between them. His mind was racing, running through a myriad of possibilities, trying to deduce what might have upset her, what he might have done wrong.

“Not exactly,” she sighed. Lotor’s frown deepened. Allura sat up, folding her hands in her lap, and drew a steadying breath. Better to get it over with before his imagination got the best of him. “There is something I must tell you… I’m pregnant.”

The color in his face faded to a pale lilac, and his eyes flew open wide. Lotor made a sound as though he was choking. “What?” he sputtered. “ _How_ —?”

“In the usual way.” Allura smiled ruefully at her own weak attempt at humor. “You were there.”

Lotor rolled onto his back and folded his hands together over his stomach. His claws were extended to sharp points, his eyes wide and panicked. “Allura, I don’t know the first things,” he faltered. His throat bobbed as he swallowed thickly. “I can’t…”

Allura placed her hand over his. “I know this was not in either of our plans, but I would like to think it isn’t the end of the universe.” She tried to catch his eye, but his gaze was fixed on the ceiling.

“No, of course not.” His hand twitched slightly, claws curling inward. He fell silent, and Allura did not press. She knew the wheels were turning again, as he tried to process the fundamental shift in his reality. It felt like eons before he spoke again. “What do you mean to do?” he asked, his carefully measured words belying the anxiety simmering beneath the surface. “I will of course support you, whatever your decision.”

Allura took a deep breath, and slowly let it out. “Lotor, I love you very much,” she began, her voice heavy with emotion. Nervous again, she tucked an imagined stray curl behind her ear. “And I know that you love me.”

“Of course I do.” The tightness in his face softened, a reflexive smile briefly illuminating his features. Allura smiled back, her courage bolstered.

“That’s what this is,” she continued, hesitant but hopeful. “We made this… this life; you and I, together, out of love. And I… I want to hold onto that.” She curled her fingers around his, and gave them a gentle squeeze. “But your feelings—your wishes—are important to me as well.”

Lotor nodded absently, and turned his gaze to the ceiling, withdrawing into himself once more. Allura's heart was in her throat as she waited for him to find his way back. After a dobosh or so, he closed his eyes, his lips a thin drawn line. "I was told," he began, his tone tight and clipped, “often, and in the most humiliating ways you can imagine, that I would likely never father children, because of my mixed blood.”

Allura’s free hand fluttered to her lips, not quite in time to muffle the dismayed “ _Oh”_ that escaped them.

“My father liked to say that if he _must_ be forced to suffer a mongrel son, at least I would not pass on neither my defects, nor his shame.” Allura cringed at the hurt that echoed in his words. “I agreed with him, after a fashion,” he continued with a grim, bitter laugh. “I didn’t want anything of him to continue in this universe either.”

“I am so sorry,” she whispered, a tremor in her voice. “What a horrible thing to say to a child.” Her shoulders slumped, her hands twisting together in her lap. Despite knowing that the idea of parenthood would be innately fraught for him, there was still a small part of her that had hoped, however irrationally that he might be… Pleased? Excited?

Perhaps sensing the shift in her bearing, Lotor opened his eyes and propped himself up on an elbow, his gaze seeking hers. “Allura, if this is truly what you want, I _will_ make it work.”

She couldn’t help but smile at his grim determination. “You really are nothing like him,” she sighed. It pained her now  that she’d ever thought it to be so. “Nothing like what he became. “You are working to bring peace to the Galra—to the galaxy!” She cupped his upturned face in her hands, brushing her thumbs over his hidden marks. “You are brilliant, passionate, loving… There is no one else in the universe I would want as my partner.”

Lotor looked up at her through the fringe of his eyelashes. “Are you not afraid?”

A spring of nervous laughter bubbled up through her lips. “Terrified!” she giggled, “but also excited, and curious… Aren’t you? Even a little?”

The ghost of a smile flitted over his face. “Do you truly believe that I could be a good father?” His voice was unusually small, raw and vulnerable.

“Of course I do,” she insisted, blinking away the tears that burned behind her eyes. “I chose you.”

His smile returned, crinkling at the corners of his eyes. “When you say it, I almost believe it.”

“No ‘almost’,” she gently admonished, flicking the stray lock of hair in front of his face. “I am an excellent judge of character.”

Lotor huffed a short breath out through his nose, not quite a laugh. His expression turned contemplative, lost to his own thoughts once more, absently running his hand up and down her thigh. “It seems the matter is decided,” he murmured at last, lifting his eyes to hers. “I will do my best for you Allura. For both of you.” Reeling, Allura choked back an elated sob. Before she could recover from the tidal wave of emotion crashing over her, he leaned forward to rest his head on her stomach, splaying his long, graceful fingers over her waist. “Hello little one,” he whispered.

Allura sniffled, halfway between weeping and laughing, giddy with relief and overcome with happiness. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that it would be phoebs before the baby would be able to hear him, or that he was talking to her dinner. “I love you so much,” she croaked, tears spilling down her cheeks. A future she’d never imagined possible now opened up before her, terrifying and exhilarating. A future with Lotor. A family…

Lotor lifted his head to look up at her, his blue on gold eyes softer than she’d ever seen them. “And I love you.” He pushed himself to a sitting position and reached to gently cup her cheek. Allura clasped his wrist, sobbing and giggling as he kissed away her tears. She held his face in her hands and drew him close to press her forehead against his before leaning in to capture his lips in a kiss. Lotor’s strong arms around her were a balm, soothing away her anxiety; and as the tension within her ebbed, desire stirred anew. She tangled her fingers in his soft white hair, and hooked a leg over his, pulling herself onto his lap. A delicious fever spread through her body, and her breath stretched into a low, eager moan as she moved against him. Was it her imagination, or was there more hunger, more passion in his embrace now?

“I will never abandon you; you must know that,” he vowed, his breath like flames on her throat. The thick, hard bulge pressing against her thigh was decidedly not just in her head. “I would do anything for you.” His claws trailed down her spine, prickling through the fabric of her gown.

“I can think of something I would like you to do right now,” she whispered, with a slow, deliberate roll of her hips.

Lotor pulled away, suddenly hesitant, his eyebrows hitched together. “Can we still…” he faltered, his ears tilting slightly downward. “It won’t… hurt anything, will it?”

Allura reached for his suit’s fastener, and pulled him back toward her. “If you’re asking me for a risk assessment…” She brushed her words against his lips as she tugged the slide down. “I think I may die if we do not.”

———

Later, tired and pleasantly sore, Allura lay cuddled against Lotor, her head pillowed on his chest, his arm curled around her shoulder. She drifted towards sleep, wrapped in warmth, her contentment unassailable; but her lover’s slumber was not as peaceful. He shifted restlessly beneath her, though he was still careful not to push her off. Low, unsettled huffs and quiet rumbles reverberated through his chest, pulling Allura out of her doze.

“Lotor?” she murmured, tilting her head back to peer up at him. He did not answer immediately, but she caught the golden sheen of his eyes in the darkness. “Is something the matter?”

A pause. “It is nothing.” His voice was soft and soothing, but carried a wistful note.

Briefly pursing her lips into a frown, Allura pushed herself up on one elbow. “Insomnia? Or have I not tired you out properly?” she teased, twirling his forelock around a fingertip.

He chuckled, laughter creasing the corners of his eyes. “I assure you, I am quite exhausted. I was merely… thinking.”

“About what?” she pressed.

“It can wait until morning, Allura.”

“ _I_ cannot. I’m curious now. And quite awake.” She kept her tone playful, though worry wheedled at the back of her mind.

Lotor looked away for a tick, considering; the barest hint of a crease between his brows. “Very well,” he sighed. Allura felt his muscles tense, as though he were bracing himself for an impact.

“I want to ask you something, but I do not want you to think it is only because of your, ah, condition—though it has thrown into sharp relief the depth of my feelings for you.”

Her throat felt tight; her heart raced. She met his gaze; the gold of his eyes gleaming through the dark, illuminating the crystalline blue facets set within. “Ask me,” she breathed, her words a faint tremor. “Ask me now.”

“Allura…” His voice was thick, raw with emotion. His eyes shimmered as he shifted closer. “Marry me. Become my Empress. I want you by my side, for all eternity.”

Allura’s vision blurred as tears blazed a joyful trail around her smile. “And I want to be there,” she half-sobbed, throwing her arms around his neck. “I will. Of course I will.” Laughing, floating on a giddy cloud, she peppered his face with kisses, brushing away the dampness on his cheeks, until his laughter joined hers.

It was surreal to think of how impossible this proposal would have seemed, not so very long ago. Now, nothing in the universe could have felt more right.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this before s6 but I don't care... It can be in the far future, or an AU. :v
> 
> Come flail with me about these two on [tumblr!](http://lotors-saltwife.tumblr.com)


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